Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
