Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
