shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
