That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
