Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
