im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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