you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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