Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
