I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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