you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
