The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
