My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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