so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
