the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize