I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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