How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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