it was like eating out sand paper
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
