your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
