but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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