Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
