I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
