You made me cry and you don't even care
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
