So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
