Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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