No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
