end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
