She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
