My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
