im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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