Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
