im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
