he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
