I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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