At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
