If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
