ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
