I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
