I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
