I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
