he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
