Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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