Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
