oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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