you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
