I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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