my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my sisters under your porch take her home
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
