he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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