yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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