So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
