Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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