i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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