You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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