Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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