Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
