you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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