Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
