And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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