A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
