words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
