Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I will be naked everywhere
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
