time to smoke my breakfast
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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