theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize