Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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