my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
