Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
