Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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