Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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