are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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