There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She told me I should be a condom model.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
