I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
