you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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