STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
