all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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